In Unhappy Teenagers, William Glasser uses Choice Theory to help families navigate their way through some rather difficult situations. From suicidal thoughts to anorexia, he looks at the problems teens face as issues of control. Choice Theory regards everything we do as a choice, even behaviors we would never want to admit to consciously choosing.
From this vantage point, he encourages parents and counselors to look at the actions teens take as attempts to assert some control over their own lives. Rather than exerting more external control mechanisms, such as punishment and rules, he suggests recognizing that we really can't control other people. In doing so, we can empower teens to recognize the choices they are making and learn how to make choices that better serve them.
Glasser feels that relationships are the fundamental thing. Since we can't control teens when they are out of earshot (or even when they are nearby), we need to control how we treat them, so that they will continue to feel that we are in their corner. By supporting the relationship and our connection with them, we can help them to develop their relationship with their own inner knowing. When they no longer feel that we are against them, they can free up their energy to figure out just exactly what it is that they are for.
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