Punished by Rewards

Punished by Rewards: The Trouble With Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A'S, Praise, and Other Bribes by Alfie Kohn

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

     In Punished by Rewards,  Alfie Kohn challenges many of the sacred ideas that fuel our modern culture.  Despite the widespread use of both punishments and rewards, the evidence is strong that neither approach is very effective at motivating people.  From the corporate world to the classroom, the tradition of behaviorism is almost ubiquitous, where gold stars, grades, prizes and even cash are dangled before people under the common perception that doing so will improve their performance.

    Research shows that this method is unlikely to bring about lasting change, high quality work, or true attention to the task at hand. In fact, it can do the exact opposite.  Many studies show that if we reward people for behavior that they enjoy, they often cease doing it once the reward is taken away. By approaching training with threats and bribes, we interfere with the development of intrinsic motivation and replace it with a focus on external ramifications.This changes the focus from the activity at hand to the end result, which reduces creativity and saps the joy from the work. Even though we may feel better using the carrot than the stick, the reality is that neither approach is truly helpful.

    How can this be true, when both rewards and punishments appear to work so well? Studies show that while people can be induced to be more productive for a period of time, this is true only for quantity, not quality. The changes also rarely last, and need to be constantly reinforced with new rewards or punishments in order to induce a new round of temporary change. Rewards can have other effects too. When prizes and rewards are in limited supply, a competitive environment ensues. This can reduce cooperation, mentoring, and teamwork, and even encourage people to game the system to get the reward.

    These ideas have great ramifications in the workplace, the classroom, and in the home. Although it may be easier to punish a child who misbehaves, the only thing it teaches the child is the use of power over others.  We may think we are making a point about a misbehavior, but the point we are really making is that we have the power, and we are willing to use it.  As a result, future thought will focus on how not to get caught rather than on how the situation could have been handled differently.

    This is a big problem.  Perhaps THE big problem.  Mindfuless psychology and Buddhist tradition insist that all of our suffering is caused by not being in the moment.  Flow studies demonstrate that optimal experiences are best cultivated through attention and presence.  Attention is powerful medicine, and instead of learning to direct it and use it, we are trained to trade it for trinkets.

    I have a long way to go to recover from my own submersion in this paradigm, but I am actively engaging in my life in ways that I hope will reduce it's impact.  As a parent, I am intimidated by the work ahead of me, weaning off the easy solutions and responding to the moment rather than from habit or convenience. I feel compelled to undertake this journey with my children, however, as the benefits of developing this presence in them far outweigh any temporary relief I may get from a threat or a bribe. Habits can be hard to break, however. Luckily, Kohn ends on an encouraging note, and suggests that even small steps in this direction are better than none. We can wean off punishments, recognize the harm that bribery can do, and perhaps choose our battles more wisely so that we throw down the gauntlet less often. We can invite participation from those we are working with in order to develop better skills at solving our problems with creative cooperation and compassionate communication. Together we can help create a brighter future for us all.

    I would recommend this book to parents, teachers, managers and anyone working towards creating a more egalitarian world.

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Counseling with Choice Theory

Counseling with Choice Theory by William Glasser

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

In Counseling with Choice Thoery, William Glasser demonstrates how to communicate with people who are going through difficulty in ways that help them see the power of choice in their lives. Time and time again, Glasser shows people that when they honor the fact that they can only control their own actions, they become liberated from external control. When we stop trying to control others, we can better harness our energies to work with what we can influence: our own thoughts and behaviors.

This book is written in an anecdotal style that makes for easy reading. It is geared somewhat to the clinician who works with people undergoing great difficulties. However, anyone who finds Choice Theory a useful paradigm would gain greater understanding through reading this book. By demonstrating how the same perspective can be brought to bear on a wide variety of human suffering, Glasser shows the effectiveness of his theory in a very practical way. I feel far more confident in working in this paradigm after reading this book.

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Energy Anatomy

Energy Anatomy by Caroline Myss

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Carolyn Myss doesn't pull any punches when she describes how the ways we invest our energy affect our emotional and spiritual health. Blending symbolism that draws from her childhood in the Catholic Church, the Chakras of Indian tradition and the Qaballah gives her a framework with which to describe the various ways we disengage from our own power. This framework also gives useful clues toward reengaging with this power and developing a congruence that nurtures our further growth and healing.

She spends a good deal of time delving into the ways we waste our energy and power, and how to recognize when we do this. She uses the language of economics, describing how we finance thoughtforms with our energy- even things we'd rather not be contributing to. When we really take a look at where our energy is going, we can get a sense of how much more energy we could have if we stop financing thoughts that don't serve us.

If you don't mind challenging questions and uncomfortable answers that are simultaneously liberating, this book may invite you to a new perspective on your situation. I listened to this as an audiobook, and found that listening to Carolyn Myss speak her own truth was an experience worth taking the time for.

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Unhappy Teenagers

Unhappy Teenagers: A Way for Parents and Teachers to Reach Them by William Glasser

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

In Unhappy Teenagers, William Glasser uses Choice Theory to help families navigate their way through some rather difficult situations. From suicidal thoughts to anorexia, he looks at the problems teens face as issues of control. Choice Theory regards everything we do as a choice, even behaviors we would never want to admit to consciously choosing.

From this vantage point, he encourages parents and counselors to look at the actions teens take as attempts to assert some control over their own lives. Rather than exerting more external control mechanisms, such as punishment and rules, he suggests recognizing that we really can't control other people. In doing so, we can empower teens to recognize the choices they are making and learn how to make choices that better serve them.

Glasser feels that relationships are the fundamental thing. Since we can't control teens when they are out of earshot (or even when they are nearby), we need to control how we treat them, so that they will continue to feel that we are in their corner. By supporting the relationship and our connection with them, we can help them to develop their relationship with their own inner knowing. When they no longer feel that we are against them, they can free up their energy to figure out just exactly what it is that they are for.

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MIndfulness Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression: A New Approach to Preventing Relapse by Zindel V. Segal

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

In Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression, the authors bring an Eastern approach to managing the increasingly common issue of depression. Just last week, an article in the news proclaimed that 1 in 10 Americans are on antidepressants , and that most of them do not seek therapy in conjunction with pharmaceutical treatment. This is unfortunate. "Antidepressants drugs do not provide a long-term cure. Their effects do not outlast their use." They can be instrumental in keeping a depressive episode from becoming severe, but it is important to do therapeutic work as well in order to change the way the brain is functioning. This is where MBCT has proven itself successful.

It turns out that "negative thinking could itself cause a depression… [and] could certainly maintain the episode once it started." This tendency to ruminate on negative feelings does not help, and is in fact, counterproductive. Unfortunately, people in depressed states have a tendency to do just that, which can feed their feelings of hopelessness and despair. Rather than feeding or fighting these feelings, MBCT helps people develop a new relationship with their thoughts.

Mindfulness based practice teaches people to watch their mental and somatic processes intentionally and non-judgmentally. This observation can help people to understand that their "thoughts are not facts." As Jon Kabat-Zinn explains, "It is remarkable how liberating it feels to see that your thoughts are just thoughts and that they are not 'you' or reality." In fact, a core skill of MBCT is "to teach the ability to recognize and disengage from mind states characterized by self-perpetuating patterns of ruminative, negative thought." This invaluable skill teaches people how to direct their attention and to reduce the amount of energy they expend in these self-defeating habits.

Although there are definite benefits to mindfulness based practice, it is important to remain non-attached to outcome. It is "easy to believe deep down that success is achieved when we are with the breath and failure occurs when the mind wanders." In fact, one of the most useful ideas in this book was the concept that "it is just as valuable to become aware that the mind has wandered and to bring it back as to remain fixed on the chosen object of attention." In our goal-oriented culture, it is easy to fall into the trap of self-judgment, even while meditating. One can become overly concerned with whether they are 'doing it right' as they internalize the 'God-as-Judge' meme. This is why it is so important to approach this work with a sense of acceptance and self-compassion. Even long-time meditators have wandering thoughts. They just have developed a different relationship with them. They are aware that "just because your thoughts are compelling, doesn't make them true." Once we understand this truth, we can stop identifying so strongly with our thoughts. This can take the charge out of our inner critic and help us tune in to a different channel that supports and nurtures our growth and healing.

Understanding that it is the process of returning to the breath itself that helps us remember to return to a grounded and centered state in times of stress. This practice of returning is the most useful thing I learned in this book.

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The Mindful Path of Self-Compassion

The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions by Christopher K. Germer

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Love says, "I am everything."

Wisdom says, "I am nothing."

Between these two my life flows.

~ Nisagradatta Maharaj

Our culture teaches us that happiness depends on external circumstances, but that is not really the case. In The Mindful Path to Self Compassion, Christopher K. Germer, PhD., states that 2/3 of people without chronic back pain display the same structural dysfunction as those experiencing pain. In another study, job satisfaction was found to be a predictor of developing low back pain. Buddhist psychology instead teaches that it is our relationship with our pain that is the problem, and that acceptance may be a more effective strategy than fighting against our troubles. "What we resist, persists."

Germer offers simple and effective strategies for changing our ingrained habits of resistance. Mindfulness meditation is neurological reprogramming that helps us cultivate a calmer and less reactive state. Since "Neurons that fire together, wire together," we can practice paying attention to what we are doing. This allows us to be more intentional in our lives on many levels. By practicing intentional attention in formal sitting practice, we can develop habits of mindfulness that can serve us in times of stress and difficulty.

Having meditated before, I was surprised to feel how different a consistent Metta practice could make me feel. Practicing being kind to myself has transformed my relationship with other people as well. I find myself more able to be present. Even better, I am remembering to judge myself less when I make mistakes, and to help stop others from beating themselves up as well. I think Germer said it very well: "Give yourself the attention you need so you don't need so much attention." This frees up our energy to be more present for others, and lets kindness move through us to do good work in the world. After all, "[t]ransforming relationships with others starts with us; it is an inside job."

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Learning Is What We Do

Humans can't help but learn; it is what we are built to do. Every experience, every word, every thought and every action trigger physical patterns of activity in our bodies and brains. Patterns that are repeated become more persistent, habitual, and long-lasting. This can create a situation in which we feel molded by our world, trapped by our jobs, and lost in our patterns of relationship as we replay old patterns as if by instinct.

This view lacks one vital component: the power of intention. Intention is movement of intelligence through the system, looking for ways to order and understand experience. This intelligence works whether we harness it or not, which is evidenced by the dysfunctional coping strategies adopted by people across all ranges of activity. Whether challenged physically, emotionally, or mentally, humans do the best they can under a given set of circumstances. This is an essential tenet of William Glasser's Choice Theory, as is the idea that if we developed better tools we could make more effective and beneficial choices in our lives.

This theory maintains that, "for all practical purposes, we choose everything we do, including the misery we feel." He goes on to demonstrate that this is, in fact, the only thing we really do have control over, and that by investing energy in developing these skills we can move towards a healthier and happier life. Choice theory provides wonderful tools for discovering ways to move with ease in our relationships with others. We can own our impact on our world, and learn to navigate our way such that we ease conflict around and within us by really tuning in with attention to our experience.

This is as true on a physical level as it is on an emotional one. We adapt to our experiences, such as injury and repetitive strain and also to the emotional conditions of our internal environment. As our bodies reconfigure themselves around the activities and states we experience, we lose track of good functioning and consider our stress and tension to be the baseline normal.

Again, this can be remedied by education. From a Somatic viewpoint, our much myofascial pain comes from lack of full embodiment due to somatic amnesia. Pain causes people to withdraw attention from the injury, which removes that region from conscious control. This causes painful patterns to coalesce into habits. Instead of running from our discomfort, we can invest attention to our process and use intention to reconnect with the lost parts of ourselves. As people learn to direct their attention to their experience, they can tune in to their inner wisdom and understanding. This knowledge can tell us what our bodies need, if a situation is healthy or if communication is authentic and real. Our senses can tell us so much about our experiences, but we need to invest energy in learning how best to use them.

We can use this knowledge to chart a healthier course through life. We can discover if our chronic pain is telling us we need to find a different livelihood, or that a relationship needs attention in order to heal. We can listen to what people are really saying, and be more intentional in our interactions. We can create space that supports all of our needs, and put our monkey minds to use in creating a life worth living.

5/21/2011